If someone acts outrageously or treats people a certain way those around them tend to say something along the lines of "well, he can't help it. He had a rough childhood experience." I am no head shrinker but it does make sense. We are a product of our environment, a mini me version of the people who influence us at an early age. But why do we always focus on the negatives of that? Why can't we say "wow, she is amazing, probably because she had a great childhood."? Why can't we use the positive to showcase who people are? Why can't the positive experiences we have had be a prominent reason of why we are the way we are? Why do we focus on the negative...I guess it could be because we all feel we have something in common if we have something to complain about. We aren't trying to make ourselves look better than everyone else if we focus on the negative, we try and strenthen relationship bonds with other people through comparing negative aspects of our lives, because we KNOW everyone has had those!!
During a drunk worknight marathonlike conversation with my boyfriend the other night an interesting point was brought up. One I had never really stopped to think about. Ok, so maybe we were trash talking someone we finally mutually dislike, but that aside this is what was said..."well everyone has negative experiences in their childhood that can affect them..." I thought on that statement for a couple of days. I can't think of a single thing in my childhood that stands out as a negative experience to me. I can't even think of any fights I had with my parents or brother, even though we had them. I can't find a single issue! Nothing so emotionally or physically huge happened in my life as a child that I feel it had a negative impact on my adulthood. I was actually kind of excited about it until I started talking to a friend about it. I almost felt bad saying the truth. Why should I feel bad for telling a friend that I had a great childhood and that my parents and I are still close and have a great relationship? I felt bad because I didn't have that negative to bond with them about. I couldn't sympathize about their bad experiences. I felt like I was bragging. I was focusing on the negative again. I had to actually tell myself "Stop it! You are doing it wrong!!" It is ok to let the positive parts of your life be the reason you are the adult you are now. It is ok to "brag" about the great things in your life that have taught you lessons, enlightened you, or given you much needed perspective. IT IS OK!!!!
It is easy to get caught up in the negative parts of people's personalities, lives and choices. But why should we let ourselves stress over that when there is so much more positive going on that we choose to ignore? People are individuals, they make choices based on their perspective of right and wrong, good and bad, safe and risky. Those decisions are largely based on life's lessons, good and bad. We often let bad choices we have made in the past dictate our choices now, because we are afraid of repeating a history we didn't want to live in the first place. Maybe, it would be better to focus on the good and try to repeat that and not worry so much about other people, their choices and who they are. Let them be the product of their environment. Let them become their mother, father, grandfather or whoever else had a significant influence in their life. Once we start focusing on the positive in our lives it is amazing how uncomfortable the negative people around you get. I say let me turn in to my mother because she is one hell of a woman and hopefully I will be too!
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