All of my childhood I felt like I was safe, like I could trust anybody because no one had ever made me believe I couldn't. I had the protection of my family and the naivite of childhood to hide behind and life was simple. I miss that time. I miss being able to look at someone and see the good in them and not have to feel like I have to guard myself and analyze their every move and comment to make sure I don't get stuck in a rough spot or get hurt. I still have that with my parents and maybe that is why I always get so tired when I go home. I am finally letting my guard down, relaxing, letting my brain think it's own thoughts at it's own will in a good place, a place of security, not one of defense.
I have been hurt. I have been hurt by friends, family, myself and I have been hurt by men I have chosen to care about. I have experienced pain I don't wish on any other human being, but can say I am glad I experienced all of them because they have taught me valuable lessons.
Usually, when someone is hurt they are cautious the next time around when placed in a similar situation. Not me!!! I am stupid enough to jump right back in. Yes, I am somewhat more cautious, but I am still wayyyy too trusting! You would have think I would have learned my lesson a long time ago. Don't trust what people SAY, trust what they DO!!!
Ok, so let's say you live your life trusting someone's actions, but what if those actions are not a true reflection of their feelings? What if they don't even know why or how to stop what they are doing? What do you do then?! How long do you wait to let them figure it out? What if they never do? Do you trust they will? Do you trust them? YOU have done nothing wrong, YOU have not caused these actions, so there is no action YOU can take to make this right!! Even if someone has aknowledged and apologized for the wrong they have done, the trust they have broken and the hurt they have caused, it does not mean they will not do it again. Is it really worth living a life of uncertainty and questions? Is it worth risking your own feelings? Is it worth risking the other person's feelings for that matter? People don't change, but they do control their choices...I guess all we can do is hope those choices don't hurt us!
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